The Story of Us (Me and My Fat)-Part One by Lindsay Flye

Lindsay Flye tween birthday

I did not grow up thinking I was fat. I had a happy early childhood and don’t remember having any younger year issues with my size or how my size related to the world. I did, however, weigh more than other children in my age/height range. I am convinced, to this day, that I just have dense bones. ;>

My mother was overweight and struggled with her weight her whole life. When I was 11, in an effort to make sure I didn’t turn out just like her, she put me on a 600 calorie a day diet. I don’t remember all that I was able to eat, but I remember an abundance of nonfat yogurt, string cheese and deli turkey slices. I remember having to regulate myself, with her help, and track calories. I lost 15-ish pounds and my mom seemed happy so I guess I was happy, too. Right?

Wrong. I felt insecure and unsure of who I was and where I fit in with all the others who were more “normal” (aka more slim) than me. Entering the early stages of puberty, I felt like I wasn’t good enough just as I was. I had to slim down to fit in. And I was so so so hungry. In my mother’s attempt to not make me like her, she made me just like her… weight and food obsessed, low self-esteem and a deep sense that being heavy makes one unworthy of the best life has to offer. Bless her heart, she really did (and does) the best she can. Dieting by the age of 11 set up the foundation for a deprivation issue that I struggle with to this very day – when I don’t think there is going to be enough food for me, I panic. Deep, primal, pure panic. And if I get very hungry, I kind of flip out… deprivation mentality at its best.

The overarching message I heard from 11 onward was that when I lost some weight… when I was a smaller size… when I was a more “normal” weight … then I’d get the friends, the boyfriend, the social life I so desired. I was a social kid but didn’t have an abundance of friends (and certainly no boyfriends), and over time, I didn’t think I really deserved them. I took what I could get, putting me in a lot of strange and borderline abusive friendships, and eventually, relationships.

My junior year of high school I started dating “M”, two years my senior, who went to another high school and I was with him, off and on, for three years. It was a mess. I was a mess. While I’ll go into that relationship more in Part Two, it was my very first relationship (albeit, not my last) that could be classified as “love addiction.” I couldn’t let him go… and I was dieting constantly…. Even eating/drinking nothing more than breath mints to try to drop a few pounds. My self-esteem dropped lower and lower. And then high school was over and it was time for college (Stay tuned for Part Two)!

Lindsay Flye ImprovingWhen I look back on my life thus far, I think in terms of “what I weighed when”. When I was 11 I was 135 pounds and got down to 118. I started high school at probably 145 and I took my senior pictures at 175 and I graduated high school at 185. While college and beyond will be covered more in Part Two, I hope that I can think of my life, eventually, in terms of accomplishments, successes, adventures, love stories and beautiful moments. After all, it is all of these things, and more, that define who we are, not a number on a scale or a size on a tag. We are more than our weight; we are AMAZING!

Stay tuned to read The Story of Us (Me and My Fat) – Part Two – The Middle years (19-26)

Lindsay Flye

Lindsay is a 30-something professional who day dreams regularly about her fitness goals, tropical vacations and how to tweak her homemade mayonnaise recipe. Lindsay has struggled with her weight from as early as she can remember and finally made a permanent decision for change by having Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) in December 2013. For several years prior to making the decision to have surgery, Lindsay was a mostly Paleo eater and maintained a regularly active lifestyle, but VSG helped provid a sense of balance into her world in regards to all things…. Portion sizes, taking rest days (and active recovery days) from hard core exercise, and has helped her gain a new “pick ‘em up by the bootstraps” mentality. Yes, sometimes she makes a poor food choice. Yes, she sometimes drinks a third (or fourth) glass of wine. Yes, sometimes there is ice cream or candy involved. But No, it doesn’t mean everything is ruined, or that she has failed. Lindsay is in midst of her WLS (weight loss surgery) journey and finally learning how to balance ALL choices and how to moderate her life, living more in the joys of grays and less in the stress of black and white. Lindsay hopes to help and inspire others by sharing her story and experience with others.

2 thoughts on “The Story of Us (Me and My Fat)-Part One by Lindsay Flye

  1. Pingback: The Story of Us (Me and My Fat)-Part One by Lindsay Flye | I'mperfect Life

  2. Pingback: The Story of Us (Me and My Fat) – Part Two – The Middle years (19-26) by Lindsay | MakingProgress.Me

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